Must Not Sleep ...

Yanni got fucking arrested

2006-03-07T12:37:00.000-05:00

Longtime hero of mine (and let's face it, yours) YANNI has been arrested for domestic violence.

Apparently Yanni has trouble with the ladies.

The jokes are too easy and too dumb for this one. Just read it.

Full story on ABC news...

Saw this girl puke, make out with girl

2006-02-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

OK, so, at a house party I went to this weekend we got to see this girl get sloppy, screaming drunk, throw up several times and then make out with a girl.

What's that smell? Oh. It's class. Class.

I don't know what her name is, but I'm a sucker for underage alcohol-troopers who can still manage some sapphoness after three V8 bottles of fuck-me juice. I mean, what's hotter than 19-year-old model vomit?*

Apparently she threw up several times after that and kept on drinking. So, hats off to you, Focus on the Coast girl. You, my dear, are a hard-ass.

*The answer is lesbian model vomit.

Listen to almost any song for FREE

2006-01-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

http://fastboot.com/music_search.swf

This is great. Play with it.

Taiwan breeds green-glowing pigs

2006-01-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

From bbc.co.uk:

They claim that while other researchers have bred partly fluorescent pigs, theirs are the only pigs in the world which are green through and through.

The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo.

The researchers hope the pigs will boost the island's stem cell research, as well as helping with the study of human disease.

The researchers, from National Taiwan University's Department of Animal Science and Technology, say that although the pigs glow, they are otherwise no different from any others.

Taiwan is not claiming a world first. Others have bred partially fluorescent pigs before. But the researchers insist the three pigs they have produced are better.

They are the only ones that are green from the inside out. Even their heart and internal organs are green, they say.

To create them, DNA from jellyfish was added to about 265 pig embryos which were implanted in eight different pigs.

Four of the pigs became pregnant and three male piglets were born three months ago.

Green generation

In daylight the researchers say the pigs' eyes, teeth and trotters look green. Their skin has a greenish tinge.

In the dark, shine a blue light on them and they glow torch-light bright.

The scientists will use the transgenic pigs to study human disease. Because the pig's genetic material is green, it is easy to spot.

So if, for instance, some of its stem cells are injected into another animal, scientists can track how they develop without the need for a biopsy or invasive test.

But creating them has not been easy. Many of the altered embryos failed to develop.

The researchers say they hope the new, green pigs will mate with ordinary female pigs to create a new generation - much greater numbers of transgenic pigs for use in research.

Stunning discovery made

2006-01-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

This blog sucks. Am I right?

Suuuuucks.

MF DOOM to play Wilmington, NC | Dec. 17

2005-12-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

OK, MF Doom is coming to Wilmington, NC this Saturday. This is a big deal. We occasionally get national acts, but I never would have imagined that MF Doom would come here.

The bad thing is that he's playing at Marrz, a less than stellar venue. Bad thing number two: nobody knows how to get tickets or if he's even coming.

You can buy tickets at Gravity Records on Kerr Avenue. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 the night of.

So, fingers crossed that this thing actually happens.

I bought two tickets yesterday.

Here's a clip of an interview that a friend of a friend conducted (I'm guessing) over e-mail. (Thanks Kenneth for interview, info.)

Currents: Why Wilmington? You could book up any venue in the country. Why play here in such a relatively small town?

MF Doom: Never had a chance to see my peoples in NC. I wanted to check it out.

Currents: In the last three years you have been involved with over a dozen projects, all of which have been brilliant. What is your drive? What is pushing you to work so hard and to create such fantastic music?

Doom: Kash and Kreativity

Currents: How did you begin work with Madlib and Dangermouse? Did they approach you or did you want to work with them? Of the two, which is your favorite? Which are you most proud of?

Doom: They both reached out to me and they both are my brothers. I got love for both

Currents: There is a constant rumor that a MF Doom and Ghostface Killer project is in the works. Any truth to that?

Doom: I'm not at liberty to speak on that one yet.

Currents: What are your final thoughts of hip hop in general and the current trends in hip hop in particular?

Doom: None of my thoughts are final.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Again, tickets are at Gravity Records for $20, and the show is Saturday, Dec. 17 at Marrz.

New Study: Chocolate melts human brain

2005-12-07T15:20:00.000-05:00

That's right, kids. Some scientists in Indonesia just did some studies on chocolate. Turns out it destroys brain cell about as fast as watered-down bleach. So watch out. Stuff's poison.

Conservatives call Ford queer, Ford says 'am not'

2005-12-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

DETROIT (AP) -- Ford says it wasn't giving in to pressure from religious conservatives when it decided to stop advertising Jaguars and Land Rovers in gay publications.

The second-biggest automaker announced today that the two luxury brands won't be placing ads in publications like The Advocate.

Ford spokesman Mike Moran says the halt is "a business decision" and had nothing to do with conservative Christian boycotts. He says the money-losing car lines are cutting back everywhere. And he says Ford's Volvo brand will keep advertising to gays.

Last week, the American Family Association canceled a boycott it started in May.

Some gay groups have asked if there was a secret deal for the automaker to drop the ads if the boycott was lifted.

The Ford spokesman says "We have no confidential agreement." The spokesman then said, "We don't want to start selling our cars to queers and shit. Ugh."

Man dials police cell phone in search of drugs

2005-11-29T14:18:00.000-05:00

LINCOLNTON, N.C. (AP) -- A Lincolnton man got what he might consider a bad connection on his cell phone.

Narcotics detective Rick Lynn took a call, and the caller asked who he was. Lynn asked the same question of the caller, who identified himself. When Lynn asked what the caller wanted, the caller gave the slang for a 50-dollar rock of crack cocaine. Lynn told the caller he was on his way.

Lynn and two officers went to the house and knocked on the door. Someone on the other side asked who was knocking and Lynn said, "It's me."

The door opened and the officers identified themselves, telling the man he'd called the police to order drugs. Lynn says it has to be one of the funniest things that's ever happened to him in his career.

Mark Lewis and Lori Dale Brooks each are charged with one count of attempted possession of cocaine.

Lynn says his cell number was stored in Lewis' phone because a police informant had used it earlier to try to set up a buy.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

The reason why they pay me the big bucks

2005-11-29T14:01:00.000-05:00

Hi, guys. I just found a way to kind of get rid of big flash ads on web pages. Ready?

If it's flash (and most animated, annoying ads are) you can right click the ad and click "zoom in." Just do that until you've zoomed into a colored area or until things STOP FUCKING MOVING.

So, yeah. That's why I get paid the big bux. To think. With my brain.

Dozens stranded in ski resort gondola (of doom)

2005-11-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

LAKE LOUISE, Alberta (AP) -- In Canada's Alberta province, dozens of people -- including children -- have been trapped on a gondola at a ski resort.

Officials worked to free them with darkness falling and temperatures diving -- and with parents on the ground getting upset.

One of the parents angry over what they viewed as lackluster efforts to get the kids down called it "an absolute fiasco."

There's no word of any injuries.

A resort employee says a safety switch tripped on the Grizzly Express gondola, leaving those on board stranded.

Eight teams of ski patrollers have been working to help get those trapped out of the gondola cabins.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Sony asks parents to utilize "I'm too stupid to raise my kids right" function

2005-11-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) -- Another company that makes video-game consoles is getting on-board with parental controls.

The Entertainment Software Association says Sony Corporation is the latest to announce that the controls will be part of its newest machine.

That means all three of the major console makers are promising to give parents the ability to help keep kids from getting access to violent video games, but not the ability to refuse to buy the games for them.

The association says Sony will place the controls on its forthcoming machine, PlayStation Three. Users of PlayStation Two were able to limit access to movies, but not to games like Grand Theft Auto where you got to murder cops, civilians and hookers alike.

On the Playstation Three, activating the parental controls will replace machine guns and swords with fly-swatters, allowing children to annoy hookers and cops, rather than outright murder them.

No comment yet from Sony other than a faint mumbling about making billions and not caring about children and shit.

Microsoft had already placed parental controls in its new X-Box 360, which went on the market last week. Earlier this month, Nintendo announced similar plans for its next-generation machine, Revolution, which comes out next year.

Sony is the world-wide market leader in child life-destroyers. They make a lot of money.

Indy kids! A call to arms

2005-11-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

Fate of Pabst landmark in New Jersey still uncertain

NEWARK, New Jersey (AP) -- The fate the 60-foot-tall Pabst beer bottle in Newark, New Jersey, remains up in the air.

While the brewery nearby is being demolished, there's still no firm decision on what do with the 75-year-old copper-coated bottle, which makes an occasional cameo on the HBO series "The Sopranos."

The bottle stands 185 feet above street level, atop Pabst's old main building. The plant was shut down in 1986.

Moving the big beer bottle, however, could be costly even though developers would like to incorporate it into the landscape of a local park.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

If anyone would like to purchase the monument they'll need $10 and some tight jeans.

In a pinch, Japan considers treating women like humans

2005-11-21T15:38:00.000-05:00

Japan panel backs allowing female monarchs to ascend throne

TOKYO (AP) -- A government panel in Japan is suggesting a bold move to solve the country's shortage of heirs for the throne: letting women ascend.

The advisory panel has been meeting since January to study the succession issue. It says the first-born child, regardless of gender, should have the right to take the throne.

The head of the committee says waiting for a male baby could lead to instability and is "not desirable."

Under the 1947 Imperial House Law, only males who have emperors on their father's side can inherit the crown.

Final recommendations are expected to be forwarded to Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi on
Thursday.

If the idea is approved, the only daughter of Crown Prince Naruhito and Crown Princess Masako will be second in line to the throne.

Yet another downside of being fat

2005-11-21T15:25:00.000-05:00

Study: Overweight children likely to suffer more broken bones,
joint pain

UNDATED (AP) -- A lot has been reported on the future health
problems overweight children face. But a new study highlights what
they endure now.

It suggests overweight children suffer more broken bones and joint problems than kids of normal weight.

Scientists reviewed the medical history of 227 overweight youngsters and 128 of their normal-weight peers.

They discovered that 13 percent of overweight kids suffered at least one broken bone, compared with less than four percent of the normal weight kids.

Obesity researcher Doctor Jack Yanovski says the combination of muscle pain and poor mobility may lead to less exercise, and that could "perpetuate the vicious cycle."

A 14-year-old Kentucky boy who weighs 362 pounds says "it's painful to walk."

The study was presented at a recent meeting of the Obesity Society in British Columbia.

Police Search for Gary Glitter in Vietnam

2005-11-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

HANOI, Vietnam -- Authorities said Thursday they are searching for former British rock star Gary Glitter over his alleged relationship with a Vietnamese teenager.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Le Dung said officials have confirmed that Glitter, 61, whose real name is Paul Francis Gadd, was residing in a home in southern Vung Tau city and had applied for permanent resident status in Vietnam.

Glitter rose to fame with glam-rock songs in the 1970s, most notably his only U.S. hit, "Rock and Roll Part 2," a largely instrumental song that has been a staple at stadium sporting events for years. Among his other songs hits were "I'm the Leader of the Gang (I Am)" and "Do You Wanna Touch."

Glitter fell from grace in 1999 when he was convicted in Britain of possessing child pornography. He served half of a four-month jail sentence before being released. He later went to Cambodia and was permanently expelled in 2002, though Cambodian officials did not specify his crime or file charges.

Dung said that Glitter had left the house on Nov. 12, and police are seeking his whereabouts.

"At present, relevant authorities Ba Ria Vung Tau province are trying to trace this gentleman, and clarify the relationship between this gentleman and a Vietnamese juvenile," he said.

Dung said authorities have conducted interviews with a 15-year-old girl who they found in the home rented by Glitter.

"If evidence of a (legal) violation is found against Mr. Paul Francis, and especially evidence of sexual child abuse, I believe that very strict legal measures will apply to him," he said.

In Vietnam, the crime of sexually abusing a child can lead to the death penalty.

Batabix Design | www.batabix.com

2005-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Batabix Design is a Wilmington, NC design group that specializes in Internet design, graphic design and corporate branding and identity.

We offer:

Web Site Design
Planning, design and construction of your online property from scratch, or fundamental improvements to existing properties. Read more...

Branding and Identity
Visual strategies for business communications, including logotypes and corporate identity systems. Read more...

HTML, JavaScript and CSS
Design technology; the industrial strength, professional code that brings your Web site to life. Read more...

Flash-Based Rich Media
Immersive, leading-edge user experiences using the Web’s premier animation and interaction technology. Read more...

www.batabix.com

NRA sues to overturn San Francisco gun ban

2005-11-10T13:23:00.000-05:00

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- The National Rifle Association is suing to overturn an ordinance passed by voters in San Francisco.

The measure bans handgun possession and sales of firearms in the city.

The NRA filed its lawsuit with a California appeals court, asking the judges to nullify the law that demands the surrender of handguns by April. The same court struck down an almost identical city gun ban in 1982. It said then that the city could not enact an ordinance that conflicts with state law that allows for the sale and possession of handguns and ammunition.

The NRA also argues the new law unfairly puts San Francisco residents at a disadvantage, since it does not bar nonresidents from lawfully possessing handguns within city limits.

Mayor Gavin Newsom has acknowledged the measure likely wouldn't withstand legal scrutiny, but says it has symbolic value.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Japanese lingerie maker unveils heated bra for winter

2005-11-10T13:21:00.000-05:00

TOKYO (AP) -- The Japanese government wants workers to dress warmly this winter and save energy. And a Japanese company is giving an unusual lift to that campaign.

Government leaders have been promoting their "Warm Biz" drive nationwide. Now Triumph International is offering the Warm Biz Bra that the company says will add "a little fun and chic to office wear."

The bra has removable pads that can be heated in a microwave or hot water. It also features long, furry straps that wrap around the neck, like a scarf. There also are matching shorts.

The company says the material helps save warmth, thus cutting down on the need to turn up the heat.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Jailed California man wins election to school board

2005-11-10T13:19:00.000-05:00

RIVERSIDE, Calif. (AP) -- He wasn't able to get out to vote for himself, but lots of others did. And a prison inmate was elected to a school board Tuesday in southern California.

Randy Hale received 831 votes, earning one of three open seats on the Romoland School Board, even though he's behind bars.

Hale violated his parole after being convicted of spousal abuse and drug possession. He was returned to prison in September, and isn't due to be released until mid-February.

His wife Penny says "this is wild."

The district's superintendent says he's consulting lawyers to figure out how to handle the situation.

A political scientist at the University of California-Riverside says the fact that Hale's name was at the top of the ballot may have helped him get votes.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Carolina cheerleaders arrested after fight, bathroom sex in Tampa bar

2005-11-07T13:14:00.000-05:00

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested in Tampa, Florida, early today after a bar dispute.

A police arrest report says the dispute broke out after bar patrons complained the women were having sex in a bathroom stall and taking too long in the bathroom.

Police say the cheerleaders left the stall. One began arguing with a bar patron , eventually hitting the patron in the face with a closed fist.

The Tampa Tribune reports that local officials are checking into whether one of the women arrested gave a false identification.

One woman was charged with battery, and the other with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

They were released on bond.

The incident happened 11 hours before the kickoff of the Panthers' NFL football game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

The cheerleaders traveled to Tampa on their own because members
of the team's Top Cats squad are on the sidelines only at home games.

Panthers officials say they're aware of the reported incident, but declined comment.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Legion Production Services of Wilmington, NC

2005-11-06T17:48:00.000-05:00

Well, kids... Batabix Design has churned out another site. Please say hello to "Legin Production Services."

From legionproductionservices.com:

Legion Production Services offers complete solutions for your high definition needs. With 30 years combined experience in the film and video industry, our associates have experienced first-hand the way high definition video has revolutionized the way productions are shot, edited and distributed.

Here at Legion Production Services we strive to stay ahead of the technology curve, studying the latest in high definition equipment and bringing the best, cutting-edge technology back to you.

Whether you are interested in 10-bit uncompressed HD editing, HD color correction or a complete HD camera/editing package, let Legion assist you in making your filmmaking goals a reality.

Has anyone else noticed this?

2005-11-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else gone back and watched a film years after childhood and realized a character (not a human character) was very, very gay?

Last night I watched Harry and the Hendersons for the first time in years, mainly so my girlfriend and I could see the scene in the end where John Lithgow has to hit Harry in the face to make him go into the woods so that LeFluer (sp?) won't find him. I use this scene a lot as an example of tough love. "It's like in the end of Harry and the Hendersons, when they have to throw sticks at Harry to make him go home..." Only, it isn't really sticks. Lithgow just jacks him one in the face.

Anyway, I realized that Harry is about 200% homosexual. Not that that's a problem, I just never noticed when I was 7 or however old I was when I saw it last.

You know who else? The tinman. Way gay.

Just go back and watch these movies. You'll see.

Lesson of the day: child movie nostalgia is blind to homosexuality in non-human forms like vegetarian sasquatches and men made out of old buckets.

Looking at it this way...

2005-11-01T12:28:00.000-05:00

You see, I have nothing to put here today. I'm and fresh out of shiz to post. I'm hoping maybe later I'll think of something witty I can say, or see something I can make fun of, but reall -- I've got nothing.

I watched a movie last night. I made some jokes about it, but I think rehashing them here would be kind of lame. And sad.

Yeah.

PS - I was Andersen Cooper for Halloween and my girlfriend was Bjork, so we kicked all kind of ass.

Take a look at these eyes!

2005-10-27T14:12:00.000-04:00

Have you seen this woman's eyes?

She is not human. She is the mother of Skeletor.

COMMENT DAY

2005-10-27T10:11:00.000-04:00

OK, people, today is comment day.

Write some shiz.

Quote of the day is:
Freedom build from a journal doctor would choose excessively sentimental temporarily.
-- Unknown

Dear Opera...

2005-10-25T12:09:00.000-04:00

Dear Opera software,

Give up. Please. Stop it. You have like .13% of browser share in US. What's the point? You're silly.

Stick to cellphone browsers, you do OK there.

P.S. - I think your web site looks nice.
P.P.S. - Get Firefox.

Domino sucks, but TOM WAITS is in it...

2005-10-19T10:11:00.000-04:00

I went and saw Domino this weekend. All you need to know is that it was beyond terrible, but there were about 3.2 minutes of glory when TOM WAITS drives onscreen.

So, you can count this as a movie review. Four sucked balls for Domino.

Dear Keira Knightley, Please stop making such shitty movies. Dear Tony Scott (director of said shit-ball "film"), Fuck you, buddy. Fuck. You.

And that's all. The movie was bad, but Tom Waits shows up for a minute or two, and that was way cool.

Know this: you will never ever be even close to being as cool as Tom Waits. He is cooler than you. Deal.

Alexander Yakovlev, architect of Soviet perestroika, dies at 81

2005-10-18T10:30:00.000-04:00

MOSCOW (AP) -- A key architect of Soviet reforms is dead.

Alexander Yakovlev joined the Soviet Communist Party's ruling
Politburo in the mid-1980s and spearheaded former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev's reforms known as perestroika. It was part of a drive to encourage openness and press freedom.

The ITAR-Tass news agency says the 81-year-old died today in Moscow after an unspecified illness.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Woman charged with cutting open pregnant neighbor to steal baby

2005-10-13T14:17:00.000-04:00

PITTSBURGH (AP) -- A Pennsylvania woman is accused of beating her pregnant neighbor with a baseball bat, driving her to a secluded area and cutting her belly in an attempt to steal her baby.

Police say the attack on Valerie Oskin was stopped before her baby was taken because a 17-year-old boy on an all-terrain vehicle came across the women in a wooded area northeast of Pittsburgh.

Oskin's baby is in stable condition after being delivered by an emergency Caesarean section, and Oskin is in the trauma ward at Allegheny General Hospital. Oskin was believed to have been in her third trimester.

Charges against Peggy Jo Conner include attempted homicide.

Police say the pregnant woman was cut over an old Caesarean scar and probably would have bled to death had the teenager not come across them when he did.

They say Conner told the boy that Oskin was fine. Still, he called his father, who notified police.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Group home operators settle lawsuit over hiring of prostitute (File under: nofuckingway)

2005-10-13T14:12:00.000-04:00

DURHAM, N.C. (AP) -- The operators of a former group home in Durham have settled a lawsuit accusing workers of psychologically harming boys by hiring a prostitute for them.

American Human Services of Raleigh and lawyer Lynne Holtkamp, the representative of one of the boys and his family, reached the agreement in Superior Court. The operators promise as part of the deal to try to prevent future sexual misconduct.

Financial details of the settlement are confidential.

Another lawsuit resulting from the incident was settled in November. A third case is pending.

The lawsuits allege that group home counselors Eddie Holden and Robert Fuller Garrison twice hired a prostitute in 2002 for four teenage boys with IQs as low as the 40s.

Holden and Garrison pleaded guilty in 2003 and received six-month jail terms, five years of probation and 500-dollar fines.

The state revoked the group home's license after investigating the incident.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

My Morning Jacket: "Z"

2005-10-12T11:36:00.000-04:00

The most surprisingly good CD I've heard in a while is "Z" by My Morning Jacket. I say surprising because I wasn't expecting to like it. My friend has been trying to get me to listen to MMJ for a while, and while I liked their previous couple of albums, they didn't quite hit me in the way I need a record to. "Z" did, mostly because of the first song, Wordless Chorus, but because it was a slightly different approach from their other albums.

"Z" has more of a dazed-pop feel to it, whereas older MMJ albums seemed more lethargic or heartbroken, which is fine...

A few of the songs on "Z" sound like what Motown would have sounded like had it originated in Louisville, KY and had Louisville, KY been on Mars instead of Earth. Lonesome space-motown country-pop. That what this shiz is, and I like it.

Buy it on amazon.com if you want. It's only $10.99.

Hobbit jaw bone found in Indonesia

2005-10-11T12:07:00.000-04:00

Some scientists say a jaw bone is more evidence that a tiny prehistoric Hobbit-like species once existed.

The bone was found in a remote Indonesian cave.

The jaw is from another individual believed to have lived as recently as 12,000 years ago.

The scientists who reported the original finding nearly a year ago strongly believe that the bones belong to a separate species of early human that shared Earth with modern humans far more recently than anyone thought.

But other scientists insist the specimens are nothing more than the bones of modern humans that suffered from a genetic disorder that results in small brain size.

The latest findings are published in the journal Nature.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

London to get sexual 'theme park'

2005-10-07T14:00:00.000-04:00

LONDON (AP) -- Londoners and visitors to the British capital will soon be able to add another museum to their list of sites to visit. But this one won't be a stodgy display of art or jewels.

Developers are planning to open the London Academy of Sex and Relationships near Piccadilly Circus. The sexual "theme park" will be a multimedia attraction. Organizers say the goal is to teach visitors to become better lovers and provide valuable information about disease and sexual problems.

They say it will not be a sleazy sex museum.

A spokesman for the $8.3 million project says it will feature "interactive exhibits."

The London Academy of Sex and Relationships is due to open in the spring.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Time for a movie review!

2005-10-06T10:10:00.000-04:00

OK, so last night I tried to watch The Jacket, but it sucked balls, so half-way through I wandered off and tried to cut my fingers off with those plastic scissors they give you when you're little. Fortunately for me, the plastic scissors were successful in not cutting me too bad, but unfortunately I tried to watch a movie that sucked balls.

The only thing I gathered from the movie was that if you put a jacket on Adrien Brody and stick him in a dark drawer he can time travel and talk to people who won't remember him. That and Keira Knightley's American accent is just plain silly.

I give this film 3 sucked balls.

In South Korea, obsessive video gaming can even kill

2005-10-06T10:04:00.000-04:00

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- Psychologists and others in South Korea are raising the alarm about a new addiction sweeping the country: game-playing on the Internet.

In the words of one 27-year-old who kicked the habit, "You have no life, you only focus on gaming, putting off everything."

Many of South Korea's 17 million gamers, some 35 percent of the population, are obsessive. At popular Internet cafes, play can extend for days. Some participants, mainly males in their teens and 20's, don't even take time to wash up or go home. Professionals vie
for prize money.

This summer a 28-year-old man collapsed after playing nearly 50-straight hours of online games. He died at a hospital.

South Korea has the world's highest rate of high-speed Internet access, at 70 percent.

The government is also funding construction of the world's first e-sports stadium, where online competitions will be displayed on huge screens.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

I've written a poem

2005-10-03T13:53:00.000-04:00

Oh you little scene kids,
with your fucking mySpace accounts
and your posed-for photos.

I sent you a pointless message today
Wanna fuck?

I like that you're in love with yourself
It's cute.

Please stop it.

You're cool and sad-looking;
We get it.
Now grow up.

Scientists photograph giant squid live in the wild for first time

2005-09-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

TOKYO (AP) -- Japanese researchers have something you normally only see in horror movies: photos of a live giant squid.

They also have one of its nearly 20-foot-long tentacles.

Experts have, for the first time, been able to observe the legendary 26-foot long purplish-red sea creature up close and personal. And they have magnificent pictures to prove it.

A researcher with Japan's National Science Museum tells The Associated Press that the squid struggled for more than four hours to get away. It pulled so hard on a line of shrimp bait, that it
severed one of its own tentacles. They hauled it onboard and he says it was "quite an experience to feel the still-functioning tentacle" on his hands.

Giant squids are the world's largest invertebrates and can grow to a length of more than 50 feet. The one caught on camera was likely an adult female.

Police say man slowed chase to smoke crack

2005-09-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

DUNN, N.C. (AP) -- Police in Dunn were racing after the suspect in a stolen car chase on Wednesday when something unusual happened.

The officer who initiated the chase says the driver of the stolen car was trying to delay his arrest so he could finish smoking some crack cocaine.

Officer John Parker says he noticed a white Buick with an apparent expired tag. When he checked the license plate number, he found the car was stolen. Parker chased the car, which turned onto another street and slowed down.

Parker says the suspect knew he was going to be caught because he put both of his hands up while still driving down the road and smoking a pipe.

The chase ended in the parking lot of the Dunn American Legion post. A second officer says the suspect tried to continue smoking crack even after his car was stopped.

James Ammons is charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, crack and drug paraphernalia and for refusing to stop for police and careless and reckless driving.

___

Information from: The Daily Record, http://www.dunndailyrecord.com/

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Officer who shot double amputee in wheelchair won't be charged

2005-09-22T14:39:00.000-04:00

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- A Charlotte-Mecklenburg police officer who shot and killed a 67-year-old double amputee in a wheelchair will not face criminal charges.

Police had gone to the home of Alexander Ehrenburg on May 10 after a family friend asked authorities to check on him.

When firefighters received no response at the home, they knocked open the door and saw Ehrenburg pointing a gun.

Firefighters then backed out, prompting a police response with SWAT officers and negotiators. Ehrenburg reportedly hung up the phone on negotiators. Police tried to throw a portable phone inside the home to resume contact, and when they knocked open the door, police say they saw Ehrenburg raise a handgun from his lap and point it at officers.

Ten-year veteran officer Chris Kimbell shot Ehrenburg, who was soon pronounced dead at Carolinas Medical Center.

A hearing is scheduled for next week to determine if police
follows policies during the standoff with Ehrenburg.

___

Information from: The Charlotte Observer,
http://www.charlotte.com

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Forecaster theory of mobsters causing Katrina labeled ridiculous

2005-09-21T14:57:00.000-04:00

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho (AP) -- Was Hurricane Katrina a man-made product?

An Idaho weatherman thinks so, but a Western Carolina University hurricane expert says the whole notion is laughable.

Meteorologist Scott Stevens, a nine-year veteran of KPVI-TV in Pocatello, says he was struggling to forecast weather patterns starting in 1998 when he discovered the theory on the
Internet.

Stevens says Japan's Yakuza mafia used a Russian-made electromagnetic generator to cause Hurricane Katrina in a bid to avenge itself for the Hiroshima atomic bomb attack -- and that the
technology will soon be wielded again to hit another US city.

Western Carolina's Rob Young says he's been researching hurricanes for nearly 20 years and he says there was nothing unusual about Katrina's satellite imagery.

Stevens' bosses say their employee can think and say what he wants -- as long as he keeps the station out of the debate and acknowledges that his views are his own opinion.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

City of Boston spends $50K putting tennis shoes on statues

2005-09-20T12:36:00.000-04:00

BOSTON (AP) -- Benjamin Franklin has roller skates. Samuel Adams, a pair of hip new running shoes. As for stodgy old George Washington, he's sporting purple velvet boots.

What's up with the Founding Fathers' footwear?

That's what people in Boston have been asking the past few days after some of the city's most venerable statues began sporting a new look.

Turns out it wasn't a prank, as some first suspected. It's an idea Mayor Tom Menino had to promote the idea that people should use their feet more and their cars less.

The so-called "Sneakers on Statues" campaign is part of a $50,000 effort to showcase Boston's "walkability" to tourists. Menino says it's especially timely when you consider the price of gas these days.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Yes.

2005-09-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

Average age, crash rate up in motorcycledom

2005-09-19T16:33:00.000-04:00

GREENSBORO, N.C. (AP) -- Chrislee Hounshell broke ribs, bruised his heart and tore neck muscles in a motorcycle crash last April.

At age 52, it took him some time to recuperate. But there was no question of whether he would ride again on weekends and holidays.

Hounshell is among an increasing number of mid-life crisisists. And he is evidence of a resulting shift in the demographics of those who have accidents other than drunks and little girls who think they can fucking ride a hawg.

Survey data from the Motorcycle Industry Council shows the median age of motorcycle riders in 2003 was 41, up from just over 27 in 1985. And more of them are crashing those bikes, according federal and state data analyzed by the University of North Carolina
Highway Safety Research Center -- and that's the funny part.

Experts say there are many reasons for the increase. But all agree on one thing: Ridership growth hasn't been met with a corresponding number of safety courses. That and old people suck balls.

Man charged in hurricane fundraiser plan

2005-09-13T14:44:00.000-04:00

JACKSONVILLE, N.C. (AP) -- Police in Jacksonville have arrested a man whom they say tried to sell stolen potato chips under the guise of a fund-raiser for Hurricane Katrina victims.

Jerod Edward Bates was arrested yesterday and charged with obtaining property under false pretenses, contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile, felony conspiracy, breaking and entering a motor vehicle, larceny and possession of stolen property.

Arrest warrants say Bates broke into a Frito Lay truck on Monday, took almost 500 dollars worth of products and then attempted to sell them with the intent on keeping the returns.

The warrants also say Bates is accused of conspiring with a 15-year-old to break into the vehicle. He also is accused of breaking into a second motor vehicle and stealing a purse and its
contents.

Hunting for gas in Mississippi

2005-09-07T10:11:00.000-04:00

BILOXI, Miss. (AP) -- Gas shortages associated with Hurricane Katrina are easing in parts of Mississippi, where power is restored and tanker trucks operate. But for many in rural areas, finding fuel is a daily struggle and a necessity for survival.

One woman says she waited in line seven hours to buy a five-gallon container of gas for $25. Five dollars a-gallon. She says she would have paid $20.

A man says the gas shortage has created a "madhouse." He protects his supply with a .357 Magnum. Many gas cans on pickup trucks are secured with locks and chains.

Another Mississippian has this message for the governor and the president: "We've got plenty of people bringing us food and water. What we need is petrol. We can't do anything without gas."

Cogongrass: Attacking the Southeast US

2005-09-07T10:07:00.000-04:00

CAMILLA, Ga. (AP) -- A botanical invader could be more of a scourge than kudzu, the Japanese vine smothering everything in its path.

The Forest Service says cogon grass has established a beachhead in the Southeast. Cogon is on every continent except Antarctica.

Experts warn that given enough time, Cogon grass could turn the Southeast into a biological desert -- a grassy savanna devoid of all native species.

Officials are trying to stamp it out, or at least stop its invasive spread.

The plant is ranked among the world's ten most dangerous weeds. It has displaced African nomads and taken over clearings in Asian forests used for centuries to grow crops.

Cogongrass: http://www.cogongrass.org

Police operation targets possible snipers near cell phone workers

2005-09-07T10:05:00.000-04:00

NEW ORLEANS (AP) -- There are reports from New Orleans of shots being fired at cellphone workers on towers trying to restore service.

Authorities have been going door to door at nearby apartment buildings, sometimes forcing doors open in their search for potential snipers.

Some pawn shops in the area are federally licensed gun dealers that were looted in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

The operation includes dozens of New Orleans police, Louisiana State Police, ATF and other law enforcement members. Most are wearing flak jackets.

No shots have been heard during this morning's operation and no one has been pulled out of any apartments.

Hong Kong jury convicts American woman of murdering her husband with a milkshake

2005-09-01T11:25:00.000-04:00

HONG KONG (AP) -- An American in Hong Kong has been convicted of murdering her wealthy investment-banker husband.

A seven-person jury decided that Nancy Kissel slipped the man a drugged milkshake and beat him to death in the couple's luxury apartment.

Kissel showed no expression as the jury returned the verdict in the November 2003 death of her husband, Robert, of New York.

The conviction carries a mandatory life sentence.

The defense argued that Kissel killed her husband in self-defense and was the victim of abusive sex.

There's no word on an appeal.

In response to my post, the world responds (late)

2005-09-01T09:59:00.000-04:00

VIENNA, Austria (AP) -- The world is reacting to America's disaster.

Saudi Arabia says it's ready to increase crude oil production to replace market shortages. Venezuela is offering humanitarian aid and fuel.

Canada's Red Cross is assembling volunteers.

French President Jacques Chirac and German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder sent messages of sympathy to President Bush.

Pope Benedict says he's praying for victims of the "tragic" hurricane while China's President Hu Jintao expressed his belief that the American people would "rebuild their beautiful
homeland."

But not all responses were positive. Islamic extremists are rejoicing. Internet chatter referred to the storm as "Private" Katrina, and said it had joined the global holy war against the US [EDITOR'S NOTE: These people are fucking insane].

Dear World:

2005-08-31T15:14:00.000-04:00

Dear Europe, Asia, etc.

Thank you very much for helping us out during this time of crisis. The devastation of Katrina is being lessened by your words of support and monetary donations.

Again, thanks.

Oh, wait...

This just in: Gas is fucking exspensive

2005-08-30T15:16:00.000-04:00

EVERYPLACE, U.S. -- We have breaking news tonight about the price of gasoline. Sources tell is it is going up and getting very expensive.

Again, I repeat, gas costs lots of money right now.

Analysts say that if you were smart enough to do the math and hadn't dicked around in college so much you would realize that it's (considering inflation and other types of number-formulas) still not quite as bad as the gas crisis in 1981.

Traders and people who know how to make money off money jizzed themselves today when they looked what's up with gas futures, 'cause all kinds of money is blowing up in that shiat.

Stayed tuned for the latest on how expensive gas is, because it's expensive right now, but later it will be expensiver.

Hand thing

2005-08-29T11:38:00.000-04:00

Let's call it a "heist"

2005-08-26T13:43:00.000-04:00

Michigan couple's goal 61 straight days of golf

2005-08-24T16:17:00.000-04:00

BATAVIA, N.Y. (AP) -- This is day five of Jim and Pat Healey's golf journey. The retired Michigan couple is trying to play 18-holes in each of the 50 states, the ten Canadian provinces and Washington, DC during a 61-day period. That's one round a day, every day, for two months.

The golf enthusiasts started last Saturday at the Anchorage Golf Course in Alaska. That night, they hopped a flight to play in Evanston, Wyoming on Sunday and in Salt Lake City on Monday. They played yesterday in Mansfield, Ohio and teed up today in Batavia, New York.

The 74-year-old Healey has been playing golf for more than 60 years, his wife Pat has played for more than 40 years.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

I'm going to set a new record by going to work for 61 days straight. Watch out, America. Watch out. PS - Who cares?

Must not Sleep... now available in print form

2005-08-21T18:59:00.000-04:00

I'll be out of town (Atlanta) for a conference on Monday and Tuesday. I leave you with this Flickr magazine cover generator.

So, now it's your turn to design a kick-ass MNS... cover. Pick an image from here or here and plug it into the link above.

Best cover wins a dollar. You have until Wednesday, 8/24.

Please submit your magazine cover as a comment.

Just remember: Leaves are some bogus shiat, OK?

Remember, kids...

2005-08-20T02:47:00.000-04:00

Even if you're drunk, McDonald's is not food.

17 injured at Henrico iBook Sale

2005-08-19T15:20:00.000-04:00

"Total chaos" is how many described the melee that resulted from a sale of used Apple iBook laptop computers at the Richmond International Raceway (RIR) by the Henrico County Virginia school system.

Link...

Please comment on this one... I'm at a loss.

New school trades books for laptops

2005-08-19T15:13:00.000-04:00

VAIL, Ariz. -- Students at Empire High School here started class this year with no textbooks -- but it wasn't because of a funding crisis. Instead, the school issued iBooks -- laptop computers by Apple Computer Inc. -- to each of its 340 students, becoming one of the first U.S. public schools to shun printed textbooks.

Link

Teens break into factory looking for ghosts, place to screw

2005-08-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

WEST HAVEN, Conn. (AP) -- More than a dozen people are accused of breaking into an old factory in Connecticut, apparently in search of ghosts.

Police say the group of mostly teen-agers entered the old
American Buckle Company factory in West Haven by breaking into an adjacent building.

The visit apparently was inspired by a Web site that describes the factory as one of the city's most ghost-ridden buildings.

While getting into the spirit of things, police say the teens
were also getting into some spirits. They say some of the ghost hunters took bottles of liquor from the closed restaurant next door.

Police say 13 people have been arrested, and they expect to arrest several more.

Police say Connecticut is the most boring place in the world and don't blame a couple of meddling kids for wanting to get drunk and look for ghosts.

Holyfield banned from fighting in New York

2005-08-16T14:26:00.000-04:00

NEW YORK (AP) -- New York state is reportedly banning boxer Evander Holyfield from fighting in the state again, saying ever since he turned 40 he's been all sissy and shit.

The New York Daily News says the state's athletic commission is suspending the 42-year-old's boxing license due to what it called his "diminished skills and poor performance," adding that if he could stop "peeing himself regularly in public" he would be allowed to box.

Holyfield is a former heavy-weight champion but he has won just two of his nine fights since 1999.

The state's athletic commissioner says Holyfield did pass a battery of health tests, including a few designed to detect brain trauma where the subject is asked to repeat "I am sofa king we todd it" 5 times fast; Holyfield reportedly said it twice before realizing what was up -- a relatively high score for boxers. The athletic commissioner says the decision to bar Holyfield from fighting is to make sure he doesn't get hurt.

Holyfield's mommy says he's looking to set up a match in Europe where everyone is weak and frail (except the Russians).

Pistol Pete to trade pistol for lasso, represent Erectile Dysfunction

2005-08-15T16:08:00.000-04:00

New Mexico State University's mascot, Pistol Pete, is being disarmed. University officials have also stripped the word "Pistol" from Pete's name. The new logo shows Pete twirling a lasso. The old Pete toted a pistol.

Link to story

Lightning strikes Oklahoma man for fourth time

2005-08-15T09:08:00.000-04:00

NOBLE, Okla. (AP) -- It's lightning striking again for an Oklahoma man.

Carl Mize was hit in storms August fifth. But the electrical jolt is nothing new for him. This is the fourth time he's been struck.

He was working with a crew on the University of Oklahoma campus, when they saw storms approaching. A co-worker familiar with his history retreated, saying "I'm getting away from you." The bolt struck soon after that.

Mize spent four days at Norman Regional Hospital and he's well on the road to recovery.

Other than complicating his heart condition and numbing his toes, Mize apparently is fine.

Dragons in the Tibet Sky, or, you know, clouds...

2005-08-12T12:04:00.000-04:00

A photo of two peculiar dragon-shaped objects taken from a plane flying over Tibet’s Himalayas piqued many users’ interest when displayed on a Chinese website. The photographer is an amateur.

On June 22, 2004, the photographer went to Tibet’s Amdo region to attend the Qinghai-to-Xizang Railroad laying ceremony, and then took a plane from Lhasa to fly back inland. When flying over the Himalaya’s, he accidentally caught these two "dragons" in a picture that he took. He called these two objects "the Tibet dragons."

Full "story"

Ex-teacher pleads no contest to having sex with 13-year-old, gets 9 months

2005-08-12T10:59:00.000-04:00

MCMINNVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- A Tennessee teacher is sentenced to nine months in jail after pleading no contest to having sex with a student.

Pamela Turner yesterday admitted to having sex with the 13-year-old boy, avoiding a trial on charges of sexual battery and statutory rape. She was accused of having sex with the boy at his home and at school between November and January.

She had trouble speaking as she entered her plea. After she's released from jail, she will be on supervised probation for the rest of an eight-year suspended sentence. She won't be allowed to
teach.

Turner taught physical education at Centertown Elementary in McMinnville, Tennessee.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Jerk-o-meter

2005-08-12T10:16:00.000-04:00

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) -- Ever wonder if your pal on the other end of the phone is really paying attention? Researchers are developing software for cell phones to determine how engaged phone-talkers are.

The developer says people are more likely to be attentive if they know they're being monitored.

That's where the Jerk-O-Meter comes in. The device measures levels of stress and empathy in a person's voice. It also keeps track of how often someone is speaking.

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user's end of the conversation. If the talker's attention strays, a message pops up on the phone. It says, "Don't be a jerk!" or "Be a little nicer now." A score closer to 100 percent would prompt, "Wow, you're a smooth talker."

The project is being developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

OK, this is pathetic. If you actually need to buy something that tells you whether or not someone is interested in your boring conversations, well, that means that a cheap robot is smarter than you and way more emotionally adept. This is one of the worst inventions I’ve seen in a while. The Segway makes more sense.

The Jesus Burner 4000

2005-08-10T11:15:00.000-04:00

This story has inspired me to invent the “Jesus Burner.” It’ll be a hair dryer (or other heat producing device) with a metal Jesus face on the end that you heat up and burn into potato chips, or pies, or bread, or dollar bills – and then you sell it on eBay!

Drunk man stole snack truck, sought cash for more beer

2005-08-10T11:07:00.000-04:00

BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) -- First he stole a potato chip delivery truck, then he tried to sell its cargo for $5 so he could get a beer. That's according to police in Buffalo, New York, where a man was arrested yesterday and charged with driving while intoxicated, grand larceny and other offenses.

Police say the man drove off in a Frito-Lay delivery truck after the driver left the keys in the ignition.

A witness told police that the man stepped out of the truck with a box of chips and offered to sell the whole truck for $20, but said he'd settle for $5 because he wanted a beer.

Officers say the man hit two parked cars before he was apprehended while trying to hide behind a building. Authorities say he had a blood-alcohol content of .26 -- more than three times the legal limit.

Not-so-glamorous day for the 'runaway bride'

2005-08-09T14:56:00.000-04:00

LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga. (AP) -- It's a far cry from an elegant wedding gown and a bouquet of fresh flowers.

Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks wore an orange community service vest, a ball cap and running shoes as she pushed a lawn mower at a government building this morning.

The Georgia woman drew national attention in April when she split right before her wedding and then claimed she'd been abducted and sexually assaulted.

She's now working off 120 hours of community service, after pleading no contest in June to telling police a phony story.

Wilbanks says she's "doing well." She spoke briefly to nearby reporters today when her mower's engine died in some tall grass -- but then added that she "needed to get back to work."

A corrections department spokeswoman says Wilbanks has already cleaned offices and vehicles and will spend part of today picking up trash.

Lawyer documents man's quest to visit every Starbucks, Apocalypse soon

2005-08-09T09:13:00.000-04:00

OMAHA, Nebraska (AP) -- You can forgive a Houston man known as Winter if he's acting a little jumpy. Chances are he has a bit too much caffeine in his system.

He's on a quest to visit every Starbucks.

According to his Web site, as of yesterday he's been to nearly 5,000 of the 5,715 corporate-owned Starbucks around the globe.

That includes one day in which he went to 29 Starbucks. A Nebraska man documenting his efforts in a film called "Starbucking" says that effort left Winter feeling "a little
nauseous."

Winter, who was born Rafael Antonio Lozano began his mission in 1997. And he says of his quest: "Every time I reach a Starbucks I feel like I've accomplished something when actually I have accomplished nothing."

On the Net:

Winter's site: http://www.starbuckseverywhere.net/

Starbucking: http://www.starbuckingmovie.com/

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Authorities to investigate BB gun shooting of photographer staking out Britney Spears

2005-08-08T15:44:00.000-04:00

MALIBU, Calif. (AP) -- Most BB gun shootings aren't high on the LA County Sheriff's priority list. But this one involves a photographer who was staking out Britney Spears, at a home where Spears was believed to be attending a baby shower in her honor.

A sheriff's spokesman says after nearly two dozen calls from journalists, "we'll probably put this on the front burner."

Over the weekend, a photographer was hit in the leg by a BB. He claims it came from the direction of the house supposedly hosting a shower for the mother-to-be. Spears' bodyguards, however, tell authorities they had nothing to do with the incident. It's also not clear whether Spears was in the home at the time.

Authorities say they are going to assign a detective to the case today.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Two jurors say they regret acquitting Michael Jackson of child molestation

2005-08-08T15:41:00.000-04:00

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Two jurors who say they regret their decision to acquit Michael Jackson on child molestation charges are going to appear on MSNBC tonight.

Ray Hultman and Eleanor Cook are going to explain why they regret their actions on the new show "Rita Cosby: Live and Direct."

In a preview shown this morning on N-B-C's "Today" show, Cosby asked Cook if the other jurors would be angry with her. She responded by saying, "They can be as angry as they want to. They ought to be ashamed. They're the ones that let a pedophile go."

Hultman says he's upset with the way the other jurors approached the case. He says they "just wouldn't take those blinders off long enough to really look at all the evidence."

Cook and Hultman are working on separate books and a combined television movie.

In June, jurors unanimously acquitted Jackson of all the charges against him.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Man mistakenly kept in jail for nearly two years wins million dollar settlement

2005-08-07T14:17:00.000-04:00

WASHINGTON -- A man who mistakenly spent almost two years in jail in Washington, D-C, has been awarded more than a million dollars.

Joseph Heard was jailed in 1999 on a trespassing charge from a year earlier -- even though a judge had declared him mentally unfit to stand trial. Heard is described as deaf, mute and mentally impaired. He was then kept behind bars for 670 days because prison officials lost track of his records.

A judge today approved the settlement between Heard and the District of Columbia, calling the ordeal "pure Kafka." Heard's attorney calls the settlement "terrific."

Copyright 2005 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Elf needed

2005-08-05T12:17:00.000-04:00

When I was looking for jobs I checked UNCW's online job posting thing. While scrolling through it I found this:

This is a service for recent grads looking for jobs. I hope no one out there with a 4-year degree was like, yeah, elf, that'll work. If you think this even slightly amusing you should read Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris.

E-mail a worker program

2005-08-04T12:03:00.000-04:00

Today’s modern workforce is filled with bored computer slaves, posting useless garbage online, hoping for new crap to read. With just 5 minutes of your time, you can help one of these drones make it through the workday. Please sign up for a bored worker e-mail buddy. Don't you want to give somebody new crap to read?

Today’s uninspired worker buddy: chasblackman@gmail.com

Dance, NASA, Dance

2005-08-03T15:51:00.000-04:00

Andy Milinokis is a fat retard

2005-08-03T10:27:00.000-04:00

This is what happens when we celebrate autism, people. It's not funny.

Fuck MTV.

Kill your TV.

In the Bathroom

2005-08-03T10:12:00.000-04:00

I was in the bathroom at work yesterday when an older gentleman came in and started using a urinal. He was on his cell phone, which was weird, OK.

So, he kept talking -- you know, whilst pissing -- and I was wondering if the guy on the other end could hear him, or not, or if he could kind of hear or what he was thinking.

And then I heard the voice on the other line end, "what are you doing right now?" And there was a pause. The man in the bathroom, let's call him Bartholomew, said the following (and I bold):

"Well, if you want to know the honest truth about it, I'm standin' here with muh ding-dong in my hand, takin' a piss while I'm talking to you. Don't that just give you a warm fuzzy feeling."

So, at least he was honest about it. It's still creepy though.

Driver crashes into convenience store

2005-08-02T14:55:00.000-04:00

This is great. Some lady drove into a convenience store about 1 mile from my house. She turned around to yell at her kid and slammed on the gas instead of the breaks.

Link to story

Soldier loses rank for classified Internet posting

2005-08-02T13:24:00.000-04:00

PHOENIX (AP) -- Putting classified information on his Internet blog has cost a National Guardsman in Iraq a demotion.

The Army says Leonard Clark of Glendale, Arizona, is a private first class once again. He was demoted from specialist, and fined more than $1,600.

No word what classified information Clark put on his blog, but soldiers are forbidden from including anything about Army operations or movements.

Clark is a kindergarten teacher in civilian life. He decided not to appeal the ruling. His company is expected to return from Iraq next January.

Leonard Clark's blog: http://leonardclark.com/blog

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Florida girl bitten by bat while driving

2005-08-02T13:22:00.000-04:00

SEMINOLE, Fla. (AP) -- Teresa Shields has a new nickname, Batgirl, after a little-too-close encounter with one of the little flying mammals last week.

The Florida teen says she was driving home when a bat flew through her car window and bit her.

Her father says Teresa had two red marks and some tenderness but the bite didn't break the skin. The animal was foaming at the mouth when it attacked her, so it's being tested for rabies, just in case. A state wildlife official says bats can carry rabies but it's no more common in bats than in any other animal.

Shields says the experience was weird and scary initially. But she thinks it's funny now. And her family has already given Teresa a present: a Batman T-shirt.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Parkinson's-afflicted mice injected with speed got better

2005-08-02T13:19:00.000-04:00

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Duke University Medical Center researchers find in tests on mice that illegal drugs such as Ecstasy and related amphetamines reversed the muscle rigidity associated with Parkinson's disease.

The scientists say the research opens up new areas of exploration for an incurable brain disorder that afflicts half a million people in the United States.

Duke researcher Marc Caron co-authored the study released today. He cautions the surprising finding in mice doesn't translate directly to patients.

Caron and his colleagues created mice through genetic engineering and drugs to be free of the brain chemical dopamine. Without dopamine, the rodents became rigid like Parkinson's
patients.

The researchers then injected the mice with about 60 different chemical compounds that are widely abused like Ecstasy and several others from the amphetamine family.

The mice receiving the speed showed dramatic results.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

New Amanda Egge podcast

2005-08-01T15:33:00.000-04:00

There's a new Amanda Egge podcast up with intro music by yours truly.

Internet Generation

2005-08-01T13:23:00.000-04:00

Do you consider yourself part of the Internet Generation? Leave a comment on why you do or don't.

Flickr

2005-07-31T21:23:00.000-04:00

I made a Flickr account. You can click HERE! to see some totally awesome pictures I took with my Lomo. Make sure you check out page 2.

uniHOSP call

2005-07-29T15:04:00.000-04:00

Someone please send in a uniHOSP picture. You can draw it or photoshop it or whatever you want. (If you don't know what I'm talking about scroll down until you see some pictures of unicorns wearing lab coats.) First one in gets 100 points.

Cool people who have already sent uniHOSP pix in: Justin, Abbey.

Don't you want to be cool?

Cheers.

First female riot police force in China

2005-07-28T16:58:00.000-04:00

The Public Security Bureau in Jinzhou city, northeast China's Liaoning Province, set up China's first female riot police force on Dec 26, 2003. The average age of the 25 members in the force was 26. Half of them held college degrees, and the remaining held bachelor or master degrees.

Link to story

Space Exploration is pointless

2005-07-28T10:37:00.000-04:00

Thanks for running a 5-year-old story, CNN, really

2005-07-27T14:31:00.000-04:00

CNN.com just ran this headline: Clinton offered 40 goats, 20 cows to marry Chelsea...

It's a story from 5 years ago, and nobody cares, but I just thought the headline looked funny.

She's so pretty.

Link

Newsflash: She's Dead, People, Just Stop it

2005-07-27T11:34:00.000-04:00

Listen, Natalee Holloway is dead. Stop looking for her. As much as I hate to say it, we all know it's true; it's horrible, but it's true.

CNN, MSNBC, Fox News -- quit covering it. When they find the body you can do a story about it, but for now, cut it out. Seriously. Since you've been smearing your media goo all over this case we've gotten a rash of other missing-persons stories in the news.

News makes more news, it really does. If you publish a teen suicide story, teen suicides will jump like crazy; so really, it's best to just let it be, don't shove it in every depressed teen's face. Same thing with violence and school shootings. It glamorizes it for people with mental disorders. If a kid who's been thinking about shooting up his school sees it all over the news, he'll think, yeah, that's the way to go out, that was on CNN, wow.

So, let's report the news, not ass-rape its cold corpse.

Acting is pointless says Scarlett

2005-07-27T11:32:00.000-04:00

Scarlett Johansson says she is not proud of her films and thinks acting is a relatively pointless profession.

In an interview with German daily Financial Times Deutschland, she said: "As actors, we make movies, we don't save lives. What I do, it's actually not that important."

She added: "I'm also not proud of my films. That was never a criteria."

She said she always just wanted to make movies that she herself would pay to see, adding: "I definitely want to be in a Tim Burton film. That's right at the top of my list."

She also revealed she would like to direct; she added: "I would even make an advert if I had to, if it meant I could direct at least once. As long as it wasn't for tampons or something embarrassing."

Batteries hate me

2005-07-27T11:07:00.000-04:00

I don't know why, but my body emits some kind of pulse or force that kills any battery nearby. If I don't completely kill the battery, I just zap the charge out of it, so whatever it's running will only last a couple of minutes at a time.

Here's a list of my batteries that have died:
-- iBook laptop (battery holds charge for 12.4 seconds)
-- my last car (battery died, alternator died)
-- cell phone (holds charge for one 30 min. phone call; I have 4 batteries lying around my house for this phone and none of them work for more than an hour)
-- my deceased PC (CMOS battery in motherboard been replaced twice, will not last)
-- my new car (2002 Acura RSX, battery died first month I had it)
-- my last digital camera (battery works for 3 seconds)
-- my new digital camera (eats 4 AA's in 2 hours)

There are probably more that I can't remember right now.

I have an iPod and I'm just waiting for the battery to crap out. If I ever have to get a pacemaker I'm screwed...

A Couple of Retard-Newscasters I Hate

2005-07-26T12:02:00.000-04:00

Up first is Charlie Gibson. He's retarded. You know it, I know it -- he's a retard. When they aired the Jackson verdict he was like, "Jackson has been convicted on all counts," and the person on-air was like, "No, Charlie, not convicted," and Charlie started over like he hadn't even said it. "ackson has been cleared of all counts of ..." which one is it Charlie?

And I hate how he's always talking during shit. Like the shuttle launch today, he was talking while the NASA command center people were talking about how the launch was going. "That's the shuttle there and it's a going to the moon right now with the 'rocket-blasters' pushing it up into space, which is where aliens live..." while the NASA guy is talking about numbers and statistics and things that are importtant.

Next is Nancy Grace, who just sucks. I think her new banner pretty much sums it up.

She is such a bitch.

OK, post a comment of news people you hate. There's so many bad ones, this should be easy.

Japan introduces liquid hand ads

2005-07-26T11:21:00.000-04:00

After being bombarded by commercials on the way to work and watching promotions pop up on the Internet, the Japanese consumer could soon be hit by advertisements where they least expect it: on their hands.

Link to full story

Russia’s Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment

2005-07-25T14:40:00.000-04:00

Link to story on mosnews.com

Leave it to Japan ...

2005-07-25T09:55:00.000-04:00

Japan's Sakakibara Machinery Works has unveiled its version of a sit-in walking robot, dubbed Land Walker 2.

The 3.4m, one-ton robot walks at 1.5km/h. It is operated by four pedals in the cockpit.

A monitor showing the feet area helps the driver watch their step.

Air guns on each side of robot shoot a rubber ball 20-30m. The company sells it for 36 million yen ($43,500).

I wonder how that guy in Alaska who made his own mech feels... Because his looks pretty crappy compared with this one. I mean, Japanese people made this one. It looks kinda nice.

The funny thing is that it's cheaper than a Land Rover.

Link to pix and video

NASA says "fuck it," plans to launch shuttle even if fuel gage problem recurs

2005-07-25T08:35:00.000-04:00

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) -- NASA says it plans to go ahead and launch Discovery tomorrow morning, even if that pesky fuel gauge is still not working right.

Deputy shuttle program manager Wayne Hale says engineers still don't know what caused the problem that grounded the flight two weeks ago. But he says since it hasn't happened again they're willing to write it off. He also says that it's possible that all the investigations of the problem may actually have fixed it.

Hale stresses, however, that they're not taking chances. If a problem develops with a different sensor, the countdown will be stopped and Discovery won't go up.

Discovery is set to lift off tomorrow morning at 10:39 Eastern. That's the same time that Columbia took off on its doomed mission in 2003.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Richards is a Pirate

2005-07-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

Keith Richards will definitely appear alongside Johnny Depp in "Pirates Of Carribean" series, it has been confirmed.

The Rolling Stone legend has long been rumoured to play Depp's fictional father in the sequels to the original movie.

Captain Jack Sparrow, Depp's character in "Pirates Of The Carribean" is understood to have been based on Richards, prompting the idea to pursue the guitarist for the subsequent films.

Fellow cast member Bill Nighy has now confirmed the reports, which gathered momentum last month when Depp said he was confident Richards would sign-up.

Nighy explained: "I can confirm, Keith Richards will appear in 'Pirates Of The Caribbean" 2 or 3. I'm not sure which one, because they are being filmed back to back."

Speaking about Richards' involvement in the movies recently, Deep said: "You talk about a dream come true, you get to be a pirate with Keith Richards, does it get any better than that?"

Virtual Street Reality

2005-07-22T12:01:00.000-04:00

Julian Beever is an English artist who is famous for his art on the pavements of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. It's peculiarity? Beever gives his drawings an anamorphosis view, his images are drawn in such a way which gives them three dimensionality when viewing from the correct angle.

Link to page with more pix

Roman Polanski wins libel suit

2005-07-22T11:59:00.000-04:00

LONDON (AP) -- Roman Polanski has won his libel suit against Vanity Fair, after the magazine published an article accusing him of propositioning a woman while on the way to the funeral of his murdered actress-wife Sharon Tate.

The 2002 article alleged that Polanski put his hand on the woman's thigh and promised her, "I'll make another Sharon Tate out of you." The publisher maintained the article was substantially
true even while admitting the supposed incident hadn't happened before Tate's funeral.

The week-long case in London featured lurid testimony about Polanski's sex life and testimony in his defense from movie star Mia Farrow.

Polanski, whose film credits include "Chinatown" and "Rosemary's Baby," has been awarded about $87,000.

Tate was killed along with four others at her Beverly Hills estate in 1969, by followers of Charles Manson.